I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
