watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
and you fell through a lawn chair
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
