Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
