i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
