I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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