No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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