Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
