tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
