I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
