i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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