my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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