So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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