In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
