Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this boner is exhausting
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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