Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
love makes seman taste better
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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