We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize