I can feel you judging me through the phone.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
