Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
