So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
