he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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