So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
