What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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