i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
