You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
