I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize