And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
