its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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