Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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