Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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