Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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