I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
