so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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