my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
