So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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