apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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