Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
