Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
