margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
