Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
