Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
