He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
