Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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