census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
