She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
