I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
