Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
being pregnant is like rehab
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
