the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
