Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
