I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
