uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
