Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
