Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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