When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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