Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
