it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
