I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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