She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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