You're so nebulous sometimes
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Are my feet made of real feet?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
