I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
