successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just want nice things and good sex
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
