remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
