that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
