just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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