i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
