His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I intend to get homeless drunk
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
