ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
