woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
