I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
