im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You took a bar mat shot.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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