My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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