Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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