Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
