I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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