i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
