Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
