when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
