She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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