I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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