the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
