Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
